Fic: Terror
Jan. 3rd, 2015 05:50 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
arctic-comet.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
rt_moreloveAuthor/Artist: ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
arctic_comet
Title: Terror
Rating & Warnings: PG-13, PTSD, mild violence
Word Count 1,519
Prompt(s): #3 Almost
Summary: A distraught Remus comes to find a distraught Tonks after Greyback has attacked a child. April 1997, HBP.
Notes: N/A
Tonks picked up her cup with shaking hands and brought it to her lips. Get a grip, she told herself. You have no proof that he was attacked, it could’ve been anyone. Her mental state had been on a downward spiral ever since Dawlish had briefly mentioned a werewolf attack in the morning and it had reached rock bottom during her encounter with Harry after not being able to find Dumbledore at the school.
The sensible side of her brain told her that Dumbledore would have at least sent her a Patronus message informing her of Remus’s condition if he was the victim, but she couldn’t shake the anxiety. It was everything but rational, but ever since falling for Remus, she had come to realise that was the exact nature of love. As far as Remus was concerned, she had thrown out rationality of the window months ago.
The knock on her door was so surprising that she jumped and spilled half of the tea on her robes. Cursing, she placed the cup on the table and hurried to the door. Her initial thought was that someone was coming to tell her Remus was dead. Common sense told her to find out who was on the other side before opening the door and she stopped herself at the last possible moment.
“Who is it?” she called out tensely, expecting to hear Dumbledore’s, or perhaps Mad-Eye’s or Kingsley’s familiar voice. Instead she heard a voice she hadn’t been prepared for. The one she had hoped and prayed to hear for so many months now.
“It is I, Remus John Lupin. I haven’t seen you since July of last year and the last time we saw each other, our argument at the Burrow was interrupted by Molly Weasley. I— I didn’t know where else to go,” he replied, his voice breaking at the end of the sentence.
She froze momentarily, but then threw open the door with no regard for constant vigilance. The sight of him made her let out a gasp: he was skinnier than ever and his threadbare clothes were covered all over in mud and a red substance that looked too much like blood.
“Gods, Remus. Come inside,” she finally said, pulling him inside swiftly.
“You’re hurt,” she continued with a shaky voice, her hands flying to his left side where his jacket appeared to be the bloodiest.
He pushed her hands away, shaking his head.
“It’s- it’s not my blood. It’s not mine,” he replied, staring at his shoes.
She nodded, although there was no way he could see that unless he raised his eyes from the floor. All she wanted to do was hold him and tell him how relieved she was that he was unscathed and now with her, but he was obviously shaken up badly and needed a friend.
“Do you— would you like some tea? We can sit down and you can tell me what happened,” she suggested, crossing her arms on her chest.
“Thank you, that would be lovely.”
She cleared up a pile of dirty laundry from the small sofa and directed him to sit down while she retrieved his tea. Her hands were shaking again. Or still.
When she had handed the cup over to him, she wondered if she should sit next to him. Deciding it would be too close for him, she settled on sitting on the coffee table, opposite to him.
For the longest while he said nothing, and barely took a single sip from his cup.
“Greyback killed him. Slaughtered a little boy, he was still alive when I saw him, but obviously beyond any magical help. There was nothing I could do,” he mumbled, almost more to himself than to her. He wasn’t even looking at her, but staring at the wall behind her with an empty look in his eyes.
“What little boy?” she asked quietly.
“I believe his last name was Montgomery. I’m not sure how old he was, but very young either way. His mother refused to help the Death Eaters.”
“Oh Remus…” she sighed, reaching out to put her hand on his thigh but thought better of it. He had come to find her out of all people and she had no intention of doing anything that would drive him away sooner than necessary.
He suddenly straightened his back and looked around, as if only now realizing where he was. It was so strange to see him again after all this time, but at the same time she felt more like herself than in months.
“I— I should go,” he mumbled, getting on his feet.
“No, no. Absolutely not. Please, you can have a bath and I have some chicken soup my mum sent me, you’ve got to be hungry. And I can see what I can do about your clothes,” she pleaded, putting a hand on his arm.
He sighed.
“If you’re sure. I don’t want to bother you.”
“You never bother me, you should know that by now. Come on, you need a bath. I’ll clean up your clothes,” she said, gently pulling him towards the bathroom.
***
Greyback leaned over his battered body, his eyes shining with the same malice he remembered seeing in them when he’d been bitten as a child. His rotten smell reached his nose and made him sick, but he kept his body under control. He had to be quick if he wanted to escape and live to see another day. Letting out a cry, he grabbed Greyback’s arms and wrestled him to the ground. As Remus moved his hands onto his throat, Greyback suddenly spoke. “Remus, everything’s okay, you’re safe. Please, let go of me,” pleaded the voice that certainly didn’t belong to Greyback. He shook his head to clear his mind and looked down again, now seeing that he had his hands on Tonks’s throat.
He released her and jumped off of her in horror. He had almost killed her!
She reached onto the bedside table to turn on the lights and then turned back to look at him.
“Hey, it’s okay. You were having a nightmare,” she murmured, placing a gentle hand on his back.
“It’s not okay! I— I could have killed you right there! Why didn’t you fight back? Why are you even here?” he asked, knowing he sounded angry. He was, but mostly at himself.
“Because I knew you’d never hurt me, I just had to wake you up. This is the third time tonight that you’ve screamed in your sleep, I stayed here after the second time,” she replied.
“Are you hurt? Let me see,” he said, taking her hands into his. There were red marks on her arms from where he’d grabbed her and he could see them on the skin of her throat as well.
“It’s all right, Remus. I mean it,” she said, trying to wrench herself from his grasp.
“Now do you see?” he asked quietly.
“Do I see what?”
“How dangerous I am.”
“You’ve been through a lot over these last few months, anyone would have nightmares. I know some people at work who’ve had the same thing happen to them. They’ve accidentally attacked people they… care about. How is this any different?”
Without answering, he kept on staring at her hands. She had to be in pain. Lightening his grip on her, he gently caressed the irritated skin. He had to swallow when he felt the goose bumps his touch was causing on her skin. If he didn’t stop this now, he was sure to do something he would regret.
“I’m so sorry,” he finally said, dropping her hands and avoiding her eyes.
She turned the lights out again.
“Let’s just go back to sleep,” she said wearily.
Remus could tell from her even breath sounds when she’d fallen back asleep, but he couldn’t do the same anymore. If he closed his eyes, he saw the dying boy again. And now, after having attacked Tonks in his sleep, knowing he could inadvertently hurt her, sleep simply was no longer an option.
She was curled up on her side, her face turned towards him. Now that his eyes had acclimated to the darkness, he could see the dark outline of her right arm on the bed between them. Carefully, he reached for it and drew it to him. The hand he was holding was warm and weighted, but he wished it didn’t feel so thin and frail. This was his doing, just like the loss of her powers.
How had he even ended up sleeping in her bed? He vaguely remembered having hot chicken soup after his bath and then falling asleep out of sheer exhaustion while Tonks was cleaning up the dishes.
He had to get back to the pack before anyone started wondering where he’d gone, but before he got out of bed, he risked doing exactly as he had wanted to earlier; he allowed his lips to brush the developing bruise on her arm. What he did not see was her eyes snapping open in the darkness…
arctic_cometTitle: Terror
Rating & Warnings: PG-13, PTSD, mild violence
Word Count 1,519
Prompt(s): #3 Almost
Summary: A distraught Remus comes to find a distraught Tonks after Greyback has attacked a child. April 1997, HBP.
Notes: N/A
Terror
Tonks picked up her cup with shaking hands and brought it to her lips. Get a grip, she told herself. You have no proof that he was attacked, it could’ve been anyone. Her mental state had been on a downward spiral ever since Dawlish had briefly mentioned a werewolf attack in the morning and it had reached rock bottom during her encounter with Harry after not being able to find Dumbledore at the school.
The sensible side of her brain told her that Dumbledore would have at least sent her a Patronus message informing her of Remus’s condition if he was the victim, but she couldn’t shake the anxiety. It was everything but rational, but ever since falling for Remus, she had come to realise that was the exact nature of love. As far as Remus was concerned, she had thrown out rationality of the window months ago.
The knock on her door was so surprising that she jumped and spilled half of the tea on her robes. Cursing, she placed the cup on the table and hurried to the door. Her initial thought was that someone was coming to tell her Remus was dead. Common sense told her to find out who was on the other side before opening the door and she stopped herself at the last possible moment.
“Who is it?” she called out tensely, expecting to hear Dumbledore’s, or perhaps Mad-Eye’s or Kingsley’s familiar voice. Instead she heard a voice she hadn’t been prepared for. The one she had hoped and prayed to hear for so many months now.
“It is I, Remus John Lupin. I haven’t seen you since July of last year and the last time we saw each other, our argument at the Burrow was interrupted by Molly Weasley. I— I didn’t know where else to go,” he replied, his voice breaking at the end of the sentence.
She froze momentarily, but then threw open the door with no regard for constant vigilance. The sight of him made her let out a gasp: he was skinnier than ever and his threadbare clothes were covered all over in mud and a red substance that looked too much like blood.
“Gods, Remus. Come inside,” she finally said, pulling him inside swiftly.
“You’re hurt,” she continued with a shaky voice, her hands flying to his left side where his jacket appeared to be the bloodiest.
He pushed her hands away, shaking his head.
“It’s- it’s not my blood. It’s not mine,” he replied, staring at his shoes.
She nodded, although there was no way he could see that unless he raised his eyes from the floor. All she wanted to do was hold him and tell him how relieved she was that he was unscathed and now with her, but he was obviously shaken up badly and needed a friend.
“Do you— would you like some tea? We can sit down and you can tell me what happened,” she suggested, crossing her arms on her chest.
“Thank you, that would be lovely.”
She cleared up a pile of dirty laundry from the small sofa and directed him to sit down while she retrieved his tea. Her hands were shaking again. Or still.
When she had handed the cup over to him, she wondered if she should sit next to him. Deciding it would be too close for him, she settled on sitting on the coffee table, opposite to him.
For the longest while he said nothing, and barely took a single sip from his cup.
“Greyback killed him. Slaughtered a little boy, he was still alive when I saw him, but obviously beyond any magical help. There was nothing I could do,” he mumbled, almost more to himself than to her. He wasn’t even looking at her, but staring at the wall behind her with an empty look in his eyes.
“What little boy?” she asked quietly.
“I believe his last name was Montgomery. I’m not sure how old he was, but very young either way. His mother refused to help the Death Eaters.”
“Oh Remus…” she sighed, reaching out to put her hand on his thigh but thought better of it. He had come to find her out of all people and she had no intention of doing anything that would drive him away sooner than necessary.
He suddenly straightened his back and looked around, as if only now realizing where he was. It was so strange to see him again after all this time, but at the same time she felt more like herself than in months.
“I— I should go,” he mumbled, getting on his feet.
“No, no. Absolutely not. Please, you can have a bath and I have some chicken soup my mum sent me, you’ve got to be hungry. And I can see what I can do about your clothes,” she pleaded, putting a hand on his arm.
He sighed.
“If you’re sure. I don’t want to bother you.”
“You never bother me, you should know that by now. Come on, you need a bath. I’ll clean up your clothes,” she said, gently pulling him towards the bathroom.
Greyback leaned over his battered body, his eyes shining with the same malice he remembered seeing in them when he’d been bitten as a child. His rotten smell reached his nose and made him sick, but he kept his body under control. He had to be quick if he wanted to escape and live to see another day. Letting out a cry, he grabbed Greyback’s arms and wrestled him to the ground. As Remus moved his hands onto his throat, Greyback suddenly spoke. “Remus, everything’s okay, you’re safe. Please, let go of me,” pleaded the voice that certainly didn’t belong to Greyback. He shook his head to clear his mind and looked down again, now seeing that he had his hands on Tonks’s throat.
He released her and jumped off of her in horror. He had almost killed her!
She reached onto the bedside table to turn on the lights and then turned back to look at him.
“Hey, it’s okay. You were having a nightmare,” she murmured, placing a gentle hand on his back.
“It’s not okay! I— I could have killed you right there! Why didn’t you fight back? Why are you even here?” he asked, knowing he sounded angry. He was, but mostly at himself.
“Because I knew you’d never hurt me, I just had to wake you up. This is the third time tonight that you’ve screamed in your sleep, I stayed here after the second time,” she replied.
“Are you hurt? Let me see,” he said, taking her hands into his. There were red marks on her arms from where he’d grabbed her and he could see them on the skin of her throat as well.
“It’s all right, Remus. I mean it,” she said, trying to wrench herself from his grasp.
“Now do you see?” he asked quietly.
“Do I see what?”
“How dangerous I am.”
“You’ve been through a lot over these last few months, anyone would have nightmares. I know some people at work who’ve had the same thing happen to them. They’ve accidentally attacked people they… care about. How is this any different?”
Without answering, he kept on staring at her hands. She had to be in pain. Lightening his grip on her, he gently caressed the irritated skin. He had to swallow when he felt the goose bumps his touch was causing on her skin. If he didn’t stop this now, he was sure to do something he would regret.
“I’m so sorry,” he finally said, dropping her hands and avoiding her eyes.
She turned the lights out again.
“Let’s just go back to sleep,” she said wearily.
Remus could tell from her even breath sounds when she’d fallen back asleep, but he couldn’t do the same anymore. If he closed his eyes, he saw the dying boy again. And now, after having attacked Tonks in his sleep, knowing he could inadvertently hurt her, sleep simply was no longer an option.
She was curled up on her side, her face turned towards him. Now that his eyes had acclimated to the darkness, he could see the dark outline of her right arm on the bed between them. Carefully, he reached for it and drew it to him. The hand he was holding was warm and weighted, but he wished it didn’t feel so thin and frail. This was his doing, just like the loss of her powers.
How had he even ended up sleeping in her bed? He vaguely remembered having hot chicken soup after his bath and then falling asleep out of sheer exhaustion while Tonks was cleaning up the dishes.
He had to get back to the pack before anyone started wondering where he’d gone, but before he got out of bed, he risked doing exactly as he had wanted to earlier; he allowed his lips to brush the developing bruise on her arm. What he did not see was her eyes snapping open in the darkness…
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no subject
Date: 2015-01-03 04:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-01-03 04:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-01-03 05:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-01-05 06:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-01-05 06:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-01-05 07:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-01-16 04:05 am (UTC)It's so telling that he came to find Tonks when it was clear he barely knew what he was doing at all -- if only he understood what that instinct meant!
The ending is very apt for this sad, difficult encounter. I can't help being glad Tonks woke up for the kiss, even if Remus never knew it, heh. This story fits well into the sad, desolate year they were having in HBP.
no subject
Date: 2015-01-18 01:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-01-18 02:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-01-20 07:55 am (UTC)I liked this a lot, and I think it's very plausible that Remus could have reactions like this during what must've been a horrible year and a horrible experience for him. I felt so bad for the both of them here. Really well done!