starfishstar: (lantern)
[personal profile] starfishstar posting in [community profile] rt_morelove
Author: starfishstar
Title: Now Is the Moment (an excerpt from Chapter 20 of  "Raise Your Lantern High," i.e., the hospital wing scene)
Rating & Warnings: PG-13, only canonical stuff (post-battle, hospital wing, dramatic feels!)
Word Count: 1,600
Prompt: #24,

‘“This is....not the moment to discuss it,” said Lupin, avoiding everybody’s eyes as he looked around distractedly. “Dumbledore is dead....”

‘“Dumbledore would have been happier than anybody to think that there was a little more love in the world,” said Professor McGonagall curtly...’

―J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Summary: Now is not the moment. Or perhaps now is the moment exactly.


Notes: This is a small excerpt from a much longer chapter in my big Remus/Tonks story "Be the Light in My Lantern" / "Raise Your Lantern High". This excerpt – showing part of the famous/infamous hospital wing scene so beloved of R/T shippers! – is from near the end of HBP and thus near the end of my fic, which means this chapter won't officially post for months yet... So if you like, you can think of this as a special sneak preview just for [livejournal.com profile] rt_morelove regulars!

Because "Raise Your Lantern High" is still in the final editing phase, and this section will get further revised before posting, I'm even more than usually interested in your feedback – what works and, especially, what doesn't... This scene is a HARD one to tackle, and especially a hard one to bring anything new and original to.

You all know the canonical background here already, but if you want to know specifically about the "Raise Your Lantern High" version of the preceding months: All year, Remus has been struggling with the inner battle of his feelings for Tonks vs. his belief that distancing himself from her is the only way to keep her safe – and that keeping her safe should be his priority. But more and more voices, from Molly and Arthur to Remus' own imaginings of what Sirius might have to say on the matter, have been ganging up on Remus, telling him to choose love rather than fear, and Remus is close to the breaking point...

This excerpt picks up at the point in canon when the characters are all gathered around Bill's bedside after he's been attacked by Greyback in the battle; Ginny and Harry have just brought the news of Dumbledore's death. You'll recognize a lot, of course, especially in the opening paragraphs, because this is all canon stuff... I don't own it, JKR owns it!


~ ~ ~ ~ ~

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They began to relate the night’s events, all of them filling in their own pieces of what had happened, and where and when. Outside the windows, Fawkes’ lament still reverberated over the dark school grounds.

Then there was a commotion at the door, and Molly, Arthur and Fleur burst into the room. McGonagall leapt from her seat and went to meet them. “Molly – Arthur – I am so sorry –”

“Bill, oh, Bill!” Molly gasped, rushing to his bedside.

Remus, too, leapt up to make space for them and stepped away from the bed. He could feel Tonks near his side, a warm presence radiating grief and strength.

Molly bent and pressed kisses to Bill’s mangled face. Arthur spoke distractedly to McGonagall. “You said Greyback attacked him? But he hadn’t transformed? So what does that mean? What will happen to Bill?”

“We don’t yet know,” McGonagall said helplessly, and glanced to Remus, as if he might hold the answers.

“There will probably be some contamination, Arthur,” Remus said gently. “It is an odd case, possibly unique… we don’t know what his behaviour might be like when he wakes up…”
                                                                                          
Molly had eyes for nothing but Bill. She’d taken the ointment from Madam Pomfrey and was applying it to Bill’s wounds.

“And Dumbledore?” Arthur asked, hands tugging distractedly at his own thinning hair. “Minerva, is it true… is he really…?”

McGonagall nodded tightly.

“Dumbledore gone,” Arthur breathed, disbelieving.

Gazing down into Bill’s damaged face, Molly began to sob, her words mangled as her crying grew wilder. “Of course, it doesn’t matter how he looks… it’s not r – really important… but he was a very handsome little b – boy… always very handsome… and he was g – going to be married!”

A silvery-blonde Gallic explosion erupted at her side. “And what do you mean by zat?” Fleur demanded, all the force of her redoubtable personality crystallising in this moment. “What do you mean, ‘e was going to be married?”

Molly raised her tear-drenched face, her sobs startled into silence. “Well – only that –”

“You theenk Bill will not wish to marry me any more? You theenk, because of these bites, he will not love me?”

“No, that’s not what I –”

“Because ‘e will!” Fleur exclaimed, loudly enough to rouse all but the most deeply sedated of hospital patients. “It would take more zan a werewolf to stop Bill loving me!”

“Well, yes, I’m sure, but I thought perhaps – given how – how he –” Molly fumbled, staring in bafflement at her future daughter-in-law.

“You thought I would not weesh to marry him? Or per’aps, you ‘oped?” Fleur cried, unstoppable now. “What do I care how ‘e looks? I am good-looking enough for both of us, I theenk! All these scars show is zat my husband is brave! And I shall do that!” She snatched the ointment from Molly’s nerveless fingers and turned her fierce concentration to her fiancé’s wounds.

It would take more than a werewolf to stop him loving me, she’d said. Remus stared, stricken, as Fleur tenderly dabbed Bill’s face.

Molly, her voice gone soft and strange, said, “Our Great Auntie Muriel has a very beautiful tiara – goblin-made – which I am sure I could persuade her to lend you for the wedding. She is very fond of Bill, you know, and it would look lovely with your hair.”

“Thank you, I’m sure zat will be lovely,” said Fleur, still stiff and angry. And then in the space of a breath something shifted and Molly and Fleur had their arms around each other, and Remus couldn’t look away.

It would take more than a werewolf to stop him loving me.

“You see!” Tonks cried, and she was closer even than Remus had realised, less than an arm’s length away, so close he could feel the heat of her body. And hear the pain in her voice. “She still wants to marry him, even though he’s been bitten! She doesn’t care!”

Panic spiked through Remus, because he was crumbling. If he so much as looked at Tonks he would crumble, and he couldn’t let himself do that, could he? Could he?

“It’s different,” he gasped, his gaze fixed rigidly on the scene in front of them, desperate not to let himself turn and look at Tonks, because if he let himself so much as look at her… “Bill will not be a full werewolf,” he choked out. “The cases are completely –”

Remus stumbled backwards, and only when he was already in motion did he understand that the force moving him was Tonks, grabbing him and shaking him by the front of his robes. “But I don’t care either, I don’t care!” she cried. “I’ve told you a million times –”

Remus fixed his eyes frantically on the floor, anywhere but Tonks. “And I’ve told you a million times that I am too old for you, too poor… too dangerous…”

From somewhere that seemed very far away, somewhere outside this small, complete world that was the two of them joined by Tonks’ hands clutching Remus’ robes, he heard Molly say gently, “I’ve said all along you’re taking a ridiculous line on this, Remus.”

“I am not being ridiculous,” Remus said, and his voice was steady now, because these were words that would always be true. “Tonks deserves somebody young and whole.”

Tonks clung to him, and Remus clung just as hard to the sight of the hospital floorboards beneath their feet, these clean-scrubbed wooden boards faded with age and years of being trodden upon. The Hogwarts hospital wing, where Remus had woken torn and bruised every single month throughout his school career, to be patched painfully back together by Madam Pomfrey.

Tonks deserved so much better than a life like that.

Somewhere behind him, very softly, Remus heard Arthur say, “But she wants you. And after all, Remus, young and whole men do not necessarily remain so.”

Remus felt himself shiver beneath Tonks’ hands.

“This is… not the moment to discuss it. Dumbledore is dead…” Remus’ voice rasped on that last word, but still he managed – barely – to keep his eyes fixed on the floor. Tonks’ hands were warm on his chest, even through the layers of his robes. The warmest thing Remus could remember feeling in such a long time.

“Dumbledore would have been happier than anybody to think that there was a little more love in the world,” Professor McGonagall said, her tone nearly a reprimand, and Remus’ eyes, unbidden, skittered up from the floor to meet Tonks’ fierce gaze –

The hospital wing doors burst open and the moment shattered. As Hagrid squeezed into the room – telling McGonagall he had moved Dumbledore’s body, the students were back in bed, and Slughorn had informed the Ministry – Remus reeled. The undiminished caring he’d seen in that moment when Tonks’ eyes met his own had turned him upside down. He no longer knew what should come next.

In the babble of general conversation that ensued, Tonks stepped quietly away from Remus and released her grip on his robes, but some unseen thread still joined them. As talk continued around them, Remus knew at every moment exactly where in the room Tonks was.

McGonagall departed, taking Harry with her. The mood in the room shifted, too, the urgent tenor of a war room session departing along with Professor McGonagall.

Professor McGonagall, who was now headmistress, because Dumbledore was dead.

“They’ll be talking about closing the school,” Remus said to no one in particular, his voice coming from somewhere hollow inside him. “Scrimgeour will want it. The heads of house are likely to say the same.”

Molly sniffled, still leaning in close by Bill’s bedside. Fleur sat clasping Bill’s hand. Ron and Ginny, Hermione and Luna stood tightly huddled nearby. And Fawkes was still singing.

“There’s nothing any of us can do but get some rest,” Madam Pomfrey said firmly. “Especially my patients. And you, children, need to be in bed.” Ginny made a protesting noise, but Madam Pomfrey was already shepherding them towards the door.

Remus was painfully aware of Tonks beside him. He was terrified to turn and look at her. What might he do if he let himself look, if he let himself see the depth of feeling in her eyes?

But Molly and Arthur and Fleur formed a heart-breaking tableau around Bill’s bed. It was time that they should leave and let the Weasleys have their privacy. Remus looked up again and met Tonks’ eyes.



“Dora,” he whispered.

Sweaty and dirty and covered in dust from the ceiling that had collapsed in the battle, hair lank and brown and dotted with flecks of plaster, her eyes red-rimmed with exhaustion, she was as beautiful as the day he’d first laid eyes on her, kicking her heels against the legs of a kitchen chair at her first meeting of the Order of the Phoenix under a shock of irreverent pink hair.

“Dora,” he said again.

Her eyes met his, unwavering as always. “Remus.”

Without needing to speak another word, they started together towards the hospital wing door, side by side, away from the quiet family scene around Bill’s bed. Remus opened the door to the corridor, Tonks closed it behind them.

Her hand still resting on the doorknob, Tonks turned to look at Remus. The corridor was dim and he couldn’t read her expression. Strange elation was rising within him, though he didn’t know what came next. He’d never in his life been less certain of that. He only knew that there was so much to say. And he wanted, tonight, right now, to start saying it.

He looked at Tonks and asked, “Is there somewhere we can talk?”
.

Date: 2016-01-15 03:28 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] author-by-night.livejournal.com


It would take more than a werewolf to stop him loving me.


I like that Remus was just as struck by this as Tonks. Or maybe it's that Tonks saw how struck Remus was, and knew it actually was the moment to say it.

I enjoyed this overall. :)

Date: 2016-01-15 04:33 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nekwrites.livejournal.com
Oh oh oh oh boy does this make me want to read more! :D

I love the tension in this. There's such a palpable sense of Remus' anxiety and sadness but also desperate longing.

Date: 2016-01-15 08:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] an-english-girl.livejournal.com
Oooh! Evil cliff hanger!
(We all know what happens next, I know. but still....!)
;)

Date: 2016-01-15 08:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] evenscribbles.livejournal.com
This is beautiful. And a wonderful addition to your stories, which I have been reading since you first started posting them to FF.

I think that you managed to show how much Remus loves Tonks even as he tries to resist her very well and yes, having read this scene by other authors, I think you gave it your own unique twist. It was like reading it anew.

I especially loved certain lines, like "A silvery-blonde Gallic explosion erupted at her side." This is a beautiful and funny way to describe Fleur.

And this line made my heart catch in my throat. "Sweaty and dirty and covered in dust from the ceiling that had collapsed in the battle, hair lank and brown and dotted with flecks of plaster, her eyes red-rimmed with exhaustion, she was as beautiful as the day he’d first laid eyes on her..."

So all in all, it was beautiful and thank you for the sneak peek.
Edited Date: 2016-01-15 08:46 pm (UTC)

Date: 2016-01-21 10:47 pm (UTC)
ext_1891675: (Default)
From: [identity profile] articcat621.livejournal.com
Oh god, this is just beautiful. This is probably one of my favorite parts of canon, and I just love how Fleur's words impacted Remus. Thank you for sharing <3

Date: 2016-02-17 05:06 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] shimotsuki.livejournal.com
A lovely take on a must-write scene! And a perfect use for that prompt, of course.

For me, one of the most appealing things about writing about Remus and Tonks is just how much of their canon story actually happens offstage, which gives the fic-writer lots of room to imagine how the events actually took place. But this also is what makes the hospital-wing scene one of the very hardest to write, because suddenly, crucial parts of it are canon -- so how do we fic-writers work around that? I like your take on this problem: you keep the canon dialogue to maintain the frame of the events as recorded in canon, but completely change the narration in between, since now it's Remus rather than Harry whose perspective we're following. (I particularly liked the Gallic explosion, hee.)

Panic spiked through Remus, because he was crumbling. If he so much as looked at Tonks he would crumble, and he couldn’t let himself do that, could he? Could he?

Oh, goodness, yes, this is so much how I imagine Remus at this point in the proceedings, heh. More generally, I think you've set things out very convincingly to lay the groundwork for Remus giving in: Fleur's words echoing in his head, but concrete reminders of his condition and its consequences still holding him back -- and then Tonks's hands feeling so warm... It's also a lovely use of the frame of canon the way you've worked Hagrid's arrival into the pacing: Remus was about to give in right there, but the interruption bought him (or cost him?!) another moment.

This is motivating me to get moving and finish my own HBP chapters so I can finally enjoy actually reading through "Raise Your Lantern High"!
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