Fic: Cold Feet, Part II

[author_by_night]

  Author/Artist: author_by_night 
Title: Cold Feet / Part II: Remus (Part I here)
 Rating & Warnings: PG-13
Word Count/Art Medium: 1,931
Prompt(s): 38, Sirius's Prank
Summary: Sometimes the painful stories are the ones that need the most telling. Tonks delves into the story of The Prank That Must Only Be Alluded To. 
  

Tonks mentioned to Remus the next morning - that followed a romantic dinner and staying overnight at Tonks's flat - what Sirius had asked. They were eating eggs and toast, and Remus began playing with his.

"Not my fondest memory," he said.

"I'm sure not. But it was important to Sirius that you told the story. For Harry, see. And it might prove therapeutic for you. I think it helped Sirius a lot."

"Helped him? He's perpetually living in the past."

Tonks shook her head. "An idealized one. He had to admit a lot of nasty things. This wasn't about his glory days of pulling pranks with James. Sirius had to confront some pretty dark aspects of his personality. That's much harder to do."

"You're right," Remus said after a minute. "I'll tell you the story. For him. And for Harry. But let's finish breakfast first."


                                                                                                     *

Remus was dressed when the door opened. He assumed it was one of his friends, but it wasn't. It was Dumbledore, who had a grim look on his face.

Fear gripped Remus. Had his friends been caught? Worse, had he attacked someone? 

"How are you?" Dumbledore asked.

"What happened?" Remus demanded. He had no time for small talk.

"Don't panic," Dumbledore said sharply. "Do you remember anything at all about last night?"

Remus's heart had begun pounding. "No. Except..."

He had a sudden flash of smelling people. Of seeing a boy... a boy with greasy hair... being pulled away by...

"Snape was here," Remus realized. "He - he came. And James was behind him. But how'd he know?"

Dumbledore shook his head. "Have a seat." He magicked two chairs with his wand, and Remus sat, beginning to shake.

"This is going to be hard to hear," Dumbledore said. "First, rest assured that Messrs. Snape and Potter are fine. And while Snape did see you" (Remus gasped audibly) "I have ensured that he won't speak of it to anyone. James, meanwhile, has been given 100 points to Gryffindor for bravery and saving the life of a classmate."

"Good." Remus exhaled. "But how did he know where to find me?"

"That's the difficult part. It seems that your friend Mr. Black had an altercation with Snape yesterday evening. He claims that Mr. Snape was talking to his brother about their apparent Death Eater sympathies, and Mr. Black lost his temper."

"Imagine that, Sirius losing his temper," Remus said grimly. "But what does that have to do with Snape almost finding me?"

"It seems that in his anger, Mr. Black... told him where to find you."

If Remus had ever wondered how Sirius could get so angry, he no longer did. He sat straight up.

"What?!" He exclaimed. "Mr. Black told him?"

"Mr. Lupin, please remain calm."

"I'm a Prefect. Can I give him detention? Tell me I can give him detention. Or hex him into infinity. Or both." Remus began pacing, balling his right fist and hitting it into his left repeatedly. "It was our secret. I trusted all three of them. Were James and Peter in on the prank?"

"I get the impression that they were unaware. As soon as James caught wind of it, he rushed into action."

Remus sat down again.

"He used me against Snape," Remus said, mostly to himself. "He took advantage... if I'd killed Snape... does he realize what would have happened if I'd killed him? What could still happen if Snape runs his mouth about it? And even without consequences -"

Remus was not a fan of Snape. None of them were; he knew Lily Evans thought they just didn't like how strange he was, but it was more than that. He was horrible to Muggleborn students when Lily wasn't around, he was obsessed with the Dark Arts to the point of drawing pictures of cursed skulls and bleeding limbs, and was it a good sign when someone never washed their hair? 

But he didn't like it when pranks went too far, nevermind wanting Snape dead. Nevermind wanting to do it himself.

True, it would be the wolf doing it. Still, Remus would be the one who would've woken up with blood in his mouth and immeasurable guilt.

"Where is he?" Remus asked.

"At school, although he'll be in my office soon. That is where I am taking you next."

Remus nodded. "I'm getting expelled, aren't I?"

"No, Mr. Lupin. Nothing that almost happened was your fault."

Almost happened.

"Does anyone else know?" Remus asked as they headed towards the school.

"Just Professor McGonagall. She is contacting your parents."

"What? No!" Remus stopped in his tracks. "Sir, you can't tell them. It'll be too upsetting."

"We can't not tell them that their son went through such an ordeal."

"Yes, you can. If you tell them, they'll pull me out of school. They'll never let me stay. And Hogwarts is all I..."

Remus stopped. It was as though he could physically feel the castle starting to slip away from him.

"We have to tell them," Dumbledore repeated, though not without sympathy.

For a moment, Remus wished he could transform right then and there and rip Sirius to shreds. He pushed the disturbing thought aside just in time to walk into Dumbledore's office, where James and Sirius were sitting.

"Moony," Sirius began at once. 

"Don't use that nickname right now," James snapped.

Well, there was no questioning that James hadn't been involved now. Remus had never seen James look so livid in his life, and never angry at all with Sirius. Sure, they had their disagreements - who didn't? But this wasn't annoyance, or jealousy, or disappointment. This was actual anger. 

At least it meant Remus had one more thing in common with James.

Remus walked up to Sirius, barely containing his emotions. "Did you think setting me on Snape would make for a good laugh?"

"Remus, I swear I had no idea... you have to understand, Snape was trying to recruit Regulus."

"Really? So Snape was giving Regulus a Dark Mark?"

"Well -"

"No? Hm." Remus pretended to consider the point. "So really, you just thought it would be funny to use me to get to him. Permanently."

"I didn't want to kill him," Sirius insisted. "Just - give him a scare, I s'pose. I wasn't thinking much at all, truth be told."

"I told you what I am. I told you where I go every month. For all intents and purposes, I trusted you with my life. Do you understand that?"

Sirius didn't reply.

"Do you understand?"

"Yeah," Sirius finally said. "I do."

"I understand you two have a lot to discuss," Dumbledore interrupted, "but I have a few questions. Mr. Lupin, have a seat."

Remus sat. Sirius said something else, but Remus quite literally shrugged him off.

"First," Dumbledore continued, "I want to confirm that none of the three of you" (he indicated Peter, Remus and James) "were aware of what was going to happen last night."

"No," Remus said firmly.

"I also want to say, once again, that we've made sure Mr. Snape doesn't tell anyone. I understand that you do not get along - I need you to trust me, and to take my word for it."

Remus nodded, but James, Sirius and Peter all looked doubtful.

Dumbledore peered at them. "The last question I must ask is... how did Mr. Snape know where to find Remus?"

"We followed him our second year," James said. "We saw Madame Pomfrey taking him somewhere... we watched Remus use a stick to get in... didn't think much of it, just made fun of Remus for being in love with Madame Pomfrey. He set us straight."

Thank goodness for James's quick thinking. Remus nodded as though to confirm this piece of information. There was some truth in it, after all. Some.

"Very well. Your families will be here soon... Mrs. Tonks."

A woman Remus realised must have been Sirius's cousin Andromeda had walked in. 

"What's going on?" She asked. 

Sirius laughed. "Nothing, really. It's all an overreaction. You can go home. Give my love to Dora and Ted!"

Andromeda's eyes narrowed. "What did you do, Sirius?"

"I think it's best we discuss it with everyone here," Dumbledore said quietly.

Sirius looked at the floor. 

"Hold up - does everyone... know?" Remus asked, looking at Dumbledore.

"You know my parents know," James said.

"Andromeda knows you're a werewolf," Sirius said. "Well - not that it's you. But that one of my friends is."

"So you go around telling everyone my secrets," Remus snapped.

"Of course not! We were talking about werewolves, and..."

"I don't care," Remus said wearily. 

"Sirius, what's going on?" Andromeda asked. She sounded scared. 

Sirius mumbled something unintelligible, just in time for the Potters to come in.

Then his parents.

"You can go home," Remus told them at once. He would only realize later that he'd repeated Sirius's failed tactic.

"Honey, what happened?" Mum asked. She wasn't even marveling at being able to see a magic school for the first time in her life. Her attention was solely on Remus.

"It's not important. Really."

Dad put his hand on Remus's shoulder. "We won't be mad, son. Just tell us what happened."

Remus closed his eyes as Dumbledore began to tell the story.


                                                                               *

"That must have been hard," Tonks said after a minute.

Remus nodded. "My parents were upset, to say the least. Told Dumbledore that he'd let us down, yelled at Sirius, and pulled me out. They wanted it to be forever, but after a week they relented and let me come back."

"What changed their minds?"

Remus tilted his head. "Funny thing is, they never told me. Dad just asked me one day what class I was missing, and that I'd better get to it. So I went back. Took me a while to warm up to Sirius, though."

"How'd you make up?"


                                                                                                         *

Remus didn't speak to Sirius at all when he returned.

Peter and James seemed to have a strained but cordial relationship with him; they weren't giving him the cold shoulder, but they were absent of the usual winks and jokes. Completely, in fact. Sirius's absence and the reasons hung over the three remaining friends.

On the night of the Full Moon, James and Peter did follow Remus to the shack. However, they did not leave; Remus put an end to those excursions for good. The close calls seemed less funny now that they were older anyway. Remus had considered telling them not to come at all, but he knew how necessary they were to enduring each month.

Still, Remus couldn't help but remember that becoming Animagi had been all Sirius's idea, and he'd done much of the research.

He also couldn't help but notice that Sirius looked sullen. Perhaps Sirius had been punished enough, and it was time to let go.

So using the map one day, Remus found Sirius. Sirius was lurking outside one of the passages, as if wondering whether there was any point in using it.

"Let's go in, then," Remus said.

Sirius turned quickly, startled.

"Come on." Remus entered, and motioned for Sirius to follow.

"Are we dueling?" Sirius asked.

"No. Talking where we can't be heard. Lumos."

Light filled the passage. Silence followed.

"I don't know how else to apologise," Sirius said. 

"It's not about being sorry," Remus replied. "It's about trust. I believe that you're sorry. I'm not sure I believe it won't happen again. But... you're one of my best mates. I've missed you being around."

A flicker of hope crossed Sirius's face, but he tightened. "I've missed you lot, too."

"I need you to promise me that you won't pull a stunt like that again."

"I won't," Sirius said firmly.

"Also, I need you to carry my books for me for a month."

"Agreed."

                                                                             *
"Just like that?" Tonks asked.

Remus smiled. "I don't think we could go that long without talking. Also, I daresay part of me felt badly for the toll it was taking on James. It was time to forgive and forget... no. Forgive. We never forgot. Especially me."

Tonks could tell there was a lot behind that comment. "What do you mean?"

"Ever wonder why I believed Sirius would betray James and Lily, and kill Peter?"

"I have, actually," Tonks admitted. "But don't tell me you thought that was why? It happened years before that?"

"It was," Remus said quickly. "And I never doubted his character. But I that's also when I realised he had a truly dark side, darker than I'd realised - or maybe it was just that I didn't care to admit to myself. When you're a werewolf, you know that it's possible to give inside to the worst part of yourself. I would have killed Snape and James without remorse that night. Who they were to me, the dignity they deserved, wouldn't have mattered. So when I learned what Sirius had supposedly done, I thought perhaps he'd had his own transformation. I wondered if that ought to have been my first warning, if he'd had another rash moment where he couldn't separate emotions from logic, except with far more disastrous consequences, and given the rumours of his laughter, less remorse."

"Wow," Tonks said. 

"But the good news is," Remus said, "that I know now how wrong I was. On all counts. What's more, it was me who let my emotions be the guide when Sirius was accused of killing James, Lily and Peter. I was in mourning, and Sirius was at the ready to be blamed, ready to have the worst assumed of him."

Tonks held Remus's hand. "I hope you don't beat yourself up over that."

"I have my moments... but mostly, no. Even Dumbledore thought Sirius had done it, after all. But I do wish that I'd thought of the man Sirius became after the incident, and not the teenage boy who sent Snape after me that night." 

"Maybe you should tell him that," Tonks said.

"I was thinking the same thing."

Remus looked at Tonks. "Enough about my shenanigans as a student. What mad things did you and your friends get up to?"

"Honestly," Tonks mused, "I don't think anything could possibly compare."



 

Comments

[evenscribbles]

Remus' side was heartbreaking but true to his character and how a boy would feel upon being betrayed by one of his closest friends.

I'm looking forward to how Dumbledore, Lyall, and Andromeda view events.

[author_by_night]

Thank you!

[huldrejenta]

Oh Remus - this was very touching. I love the lines about how this incident had made it easier for Remus to believe Sirius' guilt in betraying James and Lily, and how Remus talked about the tables being turned; how now it was Sirius who had everyone believing the worst of him and only seeing his darkest sides.
I'm very fond of Sirius as a character, his many layers, and I really like how you're not painting any of this as black and white. An intriguing read!

[author_by_night]

Thank you!

Yeah, I tried to treat it as an actual case, with multiple sides and layers.

[shimotsuki]

Ha, part of me is laughing a little to think how hard it must have been for Tonks to keep quiet about this through a whole evening and night with Remus...

Poor Remus -- this was, of course, terrifying for him, to think of what could have happened. I like the added complication of him worrying about his parents, too, and that line he bit off about Hogwarts being all he had was poignant.

I like the way you insert a little bit of lighthearted banter there at the end, too!

[author_by_night]

Thanks! Sorry, I don't think I saw this before.

I'm glad the mention of Hogwarts worked.