Fic: Cold Feet, Part IV: Andromeda

[author_by_night]

Title: Cold Feet / Part III: Andromeda
 Rating & Warnings: PG-13
Word Count/Art Medium: 1,643
Prompt(s): 38, Sirius's Prank
Summary: Sometimes the painful stories are the ones that need the most telling. Tonks delves into the story of The Prank That Must Only Be Alluded To.



"I really don't think it's something that needs to be discussed," Andromeda said with a frown. "We all remember. We all moved on from it." 

Tonks, Remus, Andromeda and Ted were sitting at the Tonks's kitchen table. It was also the first time her parents had met Remus. Well. Technically the second time Andromeda had met Remus. 

"Because your perspective is important," Tonks said. "And don't you think Sirius wonders?"

"I think he already knows."

"Maybe. Maybe not. But you already know I'm not giving up."

"You are my daughter," Andromeda said with a wry smile. "Fine.  But don't expect my account to be pleasant. It left me with a lot of bad feelings."


                                                                                                  *

As children, Andromeda and Sirius had been inseparable.

In the very beginning, Andromeda supposed, they had all been close. Then the divisions had begun. First within their own family; Aunt Walburga's favourite child, for instance, was Bellatrix. Not her sons, Sirius and Regulus, but Bellatrix. And Merlin, did Bellatrix lord it over them.

Then the war began, and while neither Andromeda's parents nor Sirius's became Death Eaters, the sentiment was there. The Death Eaters took things further than they would have gone, certainly, but they saw their points. 

At Hogwarts, Andromeda befriended a sweet Hufflepuff by the name of Alice Moore. Alice soon brought her other best friend, Ted Tonks, into the fold. He was a Muggleborn, and suddenly hating them wasn't so desirable anymore. If anything, loving them was the better option.

None of the other kids followed Andromeda's lead; it was safer and better to stick with their family. All but Sirius. He listened. Andromeda got the sense that he was rebellious by nature as it was.

Andromeda was disowned for good after her relationship with Ted was discovered. And slowly, she and Sirius began to go their separate ways, but they stayed in as close contact as possible. How could they not? He was the fun younger sibling Narcissa had been before she turned on Andromeda. Andromeda adored Sirius. 

But had that been enough? 

That was what Andromeda wondered as she and Sirius walked into the house. They hadn't spoken a word to one another.

"Sirius!!" Dora, who'd been playing on the floor with Ted, ran to Sirius. He hugged her tightly.

"How are you?"Ted asked Sirius. "Everything okay?"

"More pranks," Andromeda said. She'd tell Ted the story later. "Can Sirius and I talk alone?"

"Certainly."

"I can count now!"  Dora was telling Sirius happily.Sirius was trying to put on his best happy face.

"Demonstrate later,"Andromeda told Dora. 

When Ted and Dora left, Andromeda pulled two chairs out with her wand, and sat with purpose as though she had any idea what she was going to say.

"Did this Snape boy threaten you?" Andromeda finally asked.

"Well, he's always making comments-"

"In the moment, Sirius. Did Snape say anything that indicated he was going to hurt you? Or Regulus?"

"Other than trying to make Regulus a Death Eater, you mean?"

"Yes, Sirius. Yes. That's what I mean."

"Then no," Sirius replied. "Andromeda, I wasn't trying to kill him. I just wanted to teach him a lesson."

Andromeda remembered the time that Bellatrix thought it would be just to punish Andromeda for accidentally breaking her mirror. Nevermind that it was easily fixed with quick magic; Andromeda had to face punishment. Bellatrix had held Andromeda's head underwater in the sink just long enough for her not to drown.

"No," Andromeda said. "That's not how you teach lessons."

"I realize that. I wasn't thinking. It just happened."

That's what scares me, Andromeda thought to herself.

"Sirius," Andromeda began, "you understand that it was wrong, don't you? I don't mean wrong because James is cross with you, or because you could've - arguably should've - been expelled. Wrong because trying to kill a classmate is morally repugnant."

"Are you really asking me if I can tell right from wrong?" Sirius cried. "Because of course I can! Why do you think it set me off in the first place?"

Fight or flight. It was a handy trait in their family; Andromeda had learned that almost from birth.

"He isn't the enemy," Andromeda told him evenly. 

"Isn't the enemy? Andromeda, he loves the Dark Arts. He can't wait to leave Hogwarts and become a Death Eater."

"Sirius, we're talking about a teenage boy. Maybe that doesn't seem young to you now, but someday it will, and you'll understand. I know you get angry..."

"I can't always turn it off," Sirius interrupted.

There it was.

"I get so mad," Sirius continued, "and there's - there's no off switch. Usually at least one of my friends is there to, y'know, grab the back of my collar and reel me back in. I was alone."

Alone.

Andromeda thought about the next time she saw Sirius after leaving; it was two years later, and she'd managed to sneak him to her wedding. He looked more mature, but also a little sadder. He was about to start Hogwarts, and Andromeda told him to try making friends.

"First person on the train you see, there you go," Andromeda had said. "Just make sure they're as opposite of our family as possible."

And that was that. She hadn't done anything else, just told Sirius to take care of himself and build his own life.

She'd wanted to do more, it was true. The day Andromeda had left, she'd considered taking Sirius with her. But the stakes were too high. Besides, she and Ted weren't nearly settled enough. And Uncle Algie could always step up. Except he wouldn't, because his role was to be the family mediator. If it weren't for him, Andromeda suspected, things would be worse. So he stayed close by keeping a distance. No one ever said Slytherins weren't savvy.

Which, in retrospect, had left her. Andromeda and Ted found out they were expecting Dora... that would complicate matters. Meanwhile, Sirius was thriving at Hogwarts. 

Or at least, those were all the things Andromeda had told herself. Were they completely valid reasons? Or had part of her wanted to leave her new life undisturbed, enjoy being entirely free for once, regardless of who might suffer for it? Had she left Sirius because of logistics, or because she was selfish?

Andromeda excused herself in a whisper, motioning for Sirius to wait. She walked towards the wall. Andromeda didn't want Sirius to see that she was fighting tears.

The tears subsided, and Andromeda returned. Her head was pounding now.

"I just want to do as much good as possible," Sirius said. "I really do, Andromeda. I hate this war. I hate people like Snape and our family."

"I know.  But you have to do the right thing the right way."

"Yeah," Sirius agreed. "I mostly do."

"You mostly do." Except last night. "I don't know how you teach yourself to be more rational, but you've got to.... you've got to get out of that house."

Sirius nodded. "I know. I was planning on it."

"You were?"

"Yeah. I was going to sneak off at Easter... they always go to France. I planned on slipping away. James's parents already said they'd take me in."

Well, that explained why they'd wanted to bring Sirius home with them.

Then it occurred to Andromeda that she hadn't been part of the plan.

"Of course," Sirius said, "if James never speaks to me again, I'm outta luck."

"He'll forgive you," Andromeda assured him. "Especially if he's already committed to taking you in. If nothing else, his parents' offer clearly still stands."

"I hope so."

"You'll be okay," Andromeda said uncertainly. Because really, she wasn't entirely sure. "Just keep your head screwed on. And next time you want to stop someone like Snape, come up with a plan. Don't just throw them to the wolves."





                                                                                               *

Andromeda let out a sob. Tonks rubbed her mother's back.

"I'm sorry, Mum," Tonks said. "I hadn't expected this to-"

"-no, no. It felt good, actually. It's been a long time since I let all that out." Andromeda took a deep breath. "I guess the most I can say is that the last time I relayed all of this, it was to Sirius."

"He knows?"

"We finally talked about it... all of it. A little too late, unfortunately. We were never quite able to be the way we'd been before. But for too long, Sirius read my guilt as me hating him. I could never hate him. Not even when he went to Azkaban."

"You always said you thought there was more to it," Tonks realized aloud. "But how come, if this unnerved you so much?"

"Ironically, this is actually why," Andromeda said. "I realised after some reflection that Sirius had become to people like our family what they  were to Muggles, Muggleborns and others they looked down on. And I never really let go of my fear that he would once again act rashly. Remus, I remember you telling me that what happened was proof that he was capable of murder. I thought what happened was proof that he'd do anything to stop someone like You-Know-Who. I always thought he had some mad plan that went awry. Perhaps he was meant to meet You-Know-Who himself that night, see."

"You knew him better than I did," Remus said.

Andromeda shrugged. "No. If I'd known him that well, I would have realised that he wouldn't have been so cavalier about James and Lily's safety. What he did was really quite clever, Peter Pettigrew was just a disgusting traitor."

Wiping a tear, Andromeda stood. "If you don't mind, I think I'd like to talk to Sirius."

"I'll go with you," Tonks said.

Andromeda smiled. "No, I think I'd like this visit to be just us. It's time for us to do a little bonding. I've sorely missed it."

Comments

[huldrejenta]

I've got such a weak spot for Andromeda and Sirius bonding, and yay, seems to be some good bonding coming up! :)
It's fascinating the way they see Sirius differently, and how they'd come to see what happened when James and Lily died differently as well.
Are you planning to write more of these?

[author_by_night]

It's fascinating the way they see Sirius differently, and how they'd come to see what happened when James and Lily died differently as well.

Thanks! Yeah, I enjoyed writing the different angles.

I have one for Lyall! I just realized I never posted it. I have to add in DW coding (the one LJ change I liked doesn't apply here, sigh) and then I will. :) Going to try to get that done today!

I also have a WIP I ended up putting on pause (it hit uncomfortably close to some violent events that occurred - not intentionally of course, just timing that felt insensitive), which will get more into Andromeda and Sirius's relationship. The conversation I allude to is actually far more dramatic, I just didn't want to get into an entire WIP in one scene. ;)

[shimotsuki]

Oh, I do like Andromeda, and it's great to see her perspective on events.

And, what a way to inject a little extra tension into a "meet the parents" moment, if that meeting in Dumbledore's office was the only other time Andromeda had met Remus!

One of the things I do like about this whole series is the way that knowledge of Sirius's rash actions in this prank set everyone up to believe he actually could have betrayed the Potters. But I also think it's plausible that Andromeda thought there might be something else going on -- her speculation that Sirius wanted to face Voldemort himself is actually not that much of a stretch!

[author_by_night]

Thanks!

Although I just realized I have a sliiight ficverse era with my own continuity, since I do have that Andromeda and Remus met a few other times. But only a few, and one of those times was after the Potters died. But this was definitely the immediate association. Also, she knows about this event that wasn't widely known by anyone.

It really isn't much of a stretch, no!