Fic: A Conversation That's Not About Dora

[stereolightning.livejournal.com]

Author: stereolightning
Title: A Conversation That's Not About Dora
Rating & Warnings: PG
Word Count or Art Format: ~2,000 words
Prompt: A remix of starfishstar 's fic for gilpin25’s prompt #1: "Listen, no bloke in his right mind's going to fancy Tonks when Fleur's around." (Ron, HBP, Ch.5).
Summary: Harry and Professor Lupin talk (and don't talk) about women, and other things.
Notes: Remixed (with permission!) with the original dialogue, but from Remus' perspective. Thank you, starfishstar, for letting me play with your words!

Christmas lunch had come and gone in a flurry of flying gravy, escaped maggots, and general Weasley cacophony, punctuated by the unexpected appearance of Nymphadora's ex-boss with a very frosty Percy in tow. Now, late in the afternoon, the remaining Weasleys had scurried off to private pursuits – the twins to business, Arthur to the washing-up, and Ginny to studying for OWLs – and Remus had ended up sitting by the fire with Harry.

Bill and Fleur had floated off to the neighboring village of Ottery St. Catchpole together, and had made rather a display of helping one another bundle up against the cold. Sometimes Bill looked a lot like Fabian Prewett – with the interesting additions of a jagged fang earring and a fawning French paramour. At times, Remus was quite sure that Molly was thinking the same thing. It must be bittersweet for her, he thought.

Then again, Remus was sitting next to a near-perfect replica of a sixteen-year-old James.

This was what it was to survive a war: you watched the children grow up with the faces of your departed friends, and you tried not to bring it up too often.

Honestly, though, James could never sit quietly by a fire. At minimum, he would start charming the coals to dance a tarantella.

Harry was a far less restless soul than James, but he nonetheless must have felt the need to do something, because he sat up straighter and said, "Ron thinks any bloke would be mad not to fancy a girl like Fleur. What do you reckon, Professor?"

Harry blinked rapidly and backtracked.

"I mean – I didn't mean – I'm not implying that you –"

"No, no, I know what you mean," said Remus, wondering what passed for sex education at Hogwarts these days. Probably the same as always – stern mutterings from Poppy Pomfrey, and the collective hope that the parents would take care of the rest. "At least, I think I do."

"Oh, good," said Harry, exhaling. "Okay." He fidgeted a little with a tassel-covered throw pillow that had been hit by a charm out of one of the Christmas crackers, and which kept creeping eagerly over Harry's shoulder, as if it wanted to whisper into his ear. "I think what Ron said, actually, was that nobody would ever fancy somebody like, say, Tonks, if Fleur was around."

Remus nearly bit his own tongue. This was the third time Nymphadora's name had come up tonight. "Did he?"

"Yeah, which – I know it sounds dumb, to say it like that. Tonks is great and all, really."

Had she worked a double shift just to avoid uncomfortable questions? Remus himself had almost turned down Molly's invitation, but a voice in his head that sounded suspiciously like Lily's had told him to stop being an idiot and go eat some turkey. He had actually prepared a few things to say to Tonks in case she dropped by – had written a script in his head, in fact, complete with stage directions – but she never had appeared. Enter stage left, the person once called Moony. Enter stage right, the beautiful and troublesomely persuasive Nymphadora Tonks, who inconveniently returned Moony's feelings last year, to his utter surprise –

"We all really like Tonks," Harry continued. "But Fleur is… Fleur."

"Quite," Remus said, happy to be directed away from his melancholy line of thought and toward the much frothier subject of Bill's pretty girlfriend and the trail of besotted boys she left in her wake. Harry didn't seem to feel her amorous effects quite as keenly as Ron did, but perhaps the whole business was confusing to Harry.

"However," Remus continued, "these things are entirely subjective, of course, but personally I happen to consider Tonks eminently worthy of being 'fancied,' as you would put it. I find her not only beautiful, but also a number of things I value even more, such as clever, and funny, and rather terrifyingly good at the work she does." He cleared his throat, feeling that he might have oversold his point. Well, Tonks was those things. You didn't have to be in love with her to see any of that.

Anyway, Harry's question was not about Tonks, but about attraction in general. And perhaps about the allure of the French. (What was the name of that moody Alsatian girl Sirius dated after they left school? Francoise?) "Whereas a woman such as Fleur is not really my type," said Remus, "and never has been. With no offence meant to Fleur, of course – I'm sure she's a lovely person, I simply don't know her well enough to say."

Was it Francoise? Or perhaps Marie-Francoise? She had smashed all of the dishes in Sirius' flat in a fit of pique. Sirius had actually seemed quite pleased.

"Is it always like that?" Harry asked. "I mean, that the pretty girls are also the difficult ones?"

Remus laughed, thinking of Harry's mother, who had been very pretty and very reasonable. "Harry, I think you can answer that one yourself. Think of all the beautiful girls you know and ask yourself if that last proposition holds any weight at all."

Harry blushed, glanced in the direction of Ginny's bedroom, and then returned his attention to the charmed throw pillow.

"Yeah, well, the good ones are usually taken already, aren't they?" Harry mumbled.

Harry flicked the tassels of the pillow agitatedly and said, "Er, like, look at Ron, right? It does look a bit silly, doesn't it, fancying someone who's with someone else?"

Harry's voice betrayed a note of bare longing.

"Harry," said Remus, "I wish I could tell you otherwise, but this is one of those things that will simply not always be easy. Sometimes, what you want won't be possible. Sometimes all you can do is let go."

He had planned to say this to Nymphadora, if she had come. This isn't possible. Let this go.

"I suppose he can't help it," Harry ventured. "She's part Veela… I remember what it was like at the Quidditch World Cup, seeing all those Veela at once." Harry's eyes went round behind his glasses. Perhaps he was not so immune to those Continental charms after all.

Remus smiled again. "There's nothing wrong with admiring beauty, Harry. But a man needs to understand the difference between infatuation and love. I imagine, though, that Ron's interest in Fleur will pass in time, so no harm done."

Harry glanced again in the direction of Ginny's room. "Professor…" he started.

"You really needn't call me 'Professor,' Harry. 'Remus' would be perfectly fine."

"Er… right." Harry frowned, and then ploughed on. "Anyway, my dad –"

"Was obnoxiously obsessed with Lily for years as a teenager, yes," said Remus, recalling James' rambling soliloquys about 'that bossy redheaded prefect,' which usually started after his second butterbeer. After they were married, James would still get pissed and rhapsodize about Lily, and she would smirk and threaten to write it all down and read it at the next Order meeting, and then he would carry her, giggling, to the nearest bedroom. "Don't hold it against him, Harry. What's far more important is that they both loved each other so very deeply, after they grew up a bit more. If you remember nothing else I tell you, I very much hope you'll remember that. Your parents remain one of my strongest models of what it means to truly love."

Harry succeeded in wrestling the pillow back into its original position. "When did it change, then? I mean, when did it stop being infatuation and start being something else?"

"Oh, dear, I think I've made myself out to be wiser than I really am, if you're asking me questions like that." Remus leant forward to take up the poker from its stand next to the fire and nudged a few errant embers back into place.

"All right, here's my go at it," he said, after reflecting on how best to sum it up. "It changed when James started caring more about Lily being happy than about whether she ever ended up returning his feelings. And, rather ironically, that was the point when she began to see that perhaps he had a bit of depth after all, and maybe he was worth a second look."

Harry sighed.

Remus watched the coals flesh over with grey ash. Had he not made a remarkably similar plea to the fates? He very much wanted Nymphadora to be happy. Let her fall out of love, he thought, or infatuation, or whatever it was, and stop pining over a destitute Dark creature with whom she could never truly be safe.

She did love him, though, didn't she. She had said the words.

Still gazing into the fire, Remus said, "It's not an easy place to reach, that kind of caring without needing to possess. But one can try. And sometimes, one must."

She had said the words, standing outside St. Mungo's, in front of that absurd window tableau with the unfashionable mannequins. Her hair had been startlingly long, straight, and black – perhaps in mourning for her cousin – and as the summer rain licked the roofs and pavement, making a sound like a snare drum, she had kissed Remus full on the mouth and said the words.

Remus shook himself.

"Goodness, the things I'm saying to you! I apologise, Harry. Please, ignore my ramblings. We were talking about your parents."

"Actually, I think we were talking about Veela," Harry said, with a suddenly arch expression.

Remus chuckled. "We were, weren't we? How in Merlin's name did we get started on that?"

"I'm not exactly sure," Harry said plainly.

They smiled at each other, and Remus was transported back to the present, which, all things considered, was not such a bad place to be – a warm house, a full stomach, and the company of friends.

"Truly, Harry, these things will work themselves out in time," Remus said, feeling a bubble of affection for Harry pop satisfyingly inside his chest. "I haven't the least doubt you will find great love in your life. It's simply the kind of person you are."

Harry looked skeptical.

"Though you would, perhaps, do well to steer clear of Veela," Remus added, frowning. For a moment he considered telling Harry an anecdote about Sirius, a Veela, and a one-way ticket to Minsk, but this felt like the wrong moment. "Beauty that seeks to conquer all who see it is not the worthiest kind of beauty you could seek out."

Harry scratched his nose. "Yeah, I'm with you on that one."

"But someone who is not only beautiful, but also kind and clever? You really can't go wrong. Just to love a person like that is a privilege in and of itself."

Harry seemed satisfied at that. Mostly.

It was possible, thought Remus, that he might go on loving Nymphadora even after she moved on to someone more appropriate. But he had lived through worse, and he could live through that.

For now, at least, he was in good company, in this house of noise and passion.

Comments

[huldrejenta.livejournal.com]

The only thing that could possibly make starfishstar's fic even more perfect, was if we got to see Remus's side of the story at some point as well - and here it is :D

I really loved the original, and I really love this one.
I love that you add not only Remus' thoughts about Tonks, but also about how Bill reminds him of Fabian, and Harry of James:
This was what it was to survive a war: you watched the children grow up with the faces of your departed friends, and you tried not to bring it up too often.
Oh, Remus...

His thoughts during the conversation were spot on, and I love the humour as well:
Was it Francoise? Or perhaps Marie-Francoise? She had smashed all of the dishes in Sirius' flat in a fit of pique. Sirius had actually seemed quite pleased.
Lol, Sirius would find that amusing, wouldn't he ;)

Lovely!

[stereolightning.livejournal.com]

:) Thanks! I so loved riffing on the original - it's such a lovely scene, with so much nuance.

And, oh, Sirius - I sooooo believe he would have a tempestuous girlfriend and be happy about it!

[arctic-comet.livejournal.com]

Haha, this was perfect :) I imagine this'd be a really awkward subject for both Harry and Remus to discuss, and I think you wrote it well. I also want to second the praise for the same details huldrejenta already mentioned. Those were some of my favorite parts too.

[stereolightning.livejournal.com]

Thank you! It must be a bit awkward for them, each full of unspoken desires. :)

[starfishstar]

Oh, wow. I love this, of course. You know, I think with a remix it's easy to kind of think, well, how new is it really going to be, when all the dialogue has to stay the same? And then, if it's a good remix, it really, really *is* something new.

The way you've woven in what Remus was thinking behind and between the things he says to Harry works very, very well. His recollections of James and Lily fit perfectly into the middle of what he says about them to Harry, and especially the parallels of what he would have said to Tonks being woven into what he does say to Harry is lovely. (And that "script" for talking to Tonks is sweet and funny!)

Ohhh, yesyesyes, of course Remus would think of the Prewetts when he looks at Bill. The line about watching children growing up with the faces of your departed friends but trying "not to bring it up too often" is perfect, very Remus. I definitely think he would feel both halves of that sentence about Harry.

And you added detail to the charmed cushion! I'm starting to think we could go on like this infinitely, round-robin style :-) AND you brought in Sirius and troublesome girls AND the Sirius-and-Veela incident idea!! ...And now one of us probably needs to write that story someday, don't we?

Harry subconsciously glancing towards Ginny's room whenever he talks about her, not knowing he's doing it (and then wondering why Lupin seems to know who he's talking about!) is awesome.

"Let her fall out of love [...] and stop pining over a destitute Dark creature with whom she could never truly be safe" – that sums up Remus in relation to Tonks perfectly.

Lovely. So glad you felt inspired to explore the other side of this scene.

[stereolightning.livejournal.com]

Yay! :) Your dialogue was just so splendid, I could not resist playing in the spaces between it. And I knew you had thought about the Sirius and Veela gag, so I had to work that in.

I think it actually helped that you had remixed one of my pieces already, so I had an idea about how to "flip the camera" and make the same actions play from a different perspective.

And I had to throw in a playwright moment for you, too, with the stage directions.

Ha, if we did keep going back and forth infinitely, I wonder whose perspective would be next - Molly's, overhearing from an adjacent room? Or Fleur's, somehow? Oh my gosh, I wonder what it would be like to try to write from inside Fleur's head.

[starfishstar]

Oh, the script/playwright moment was for me! Aw :-)